So I heard Joseph Kahn was directing and I knew at the very least this video would be glossy and gorgeous (he gave us “Toxic” and my favorite “That was a collab that really happened?” collab, Janet Jackson ft.Khia “So Excited”).
Let’s get to it. I’ve learned to measure my expectations when it comes to Louisana’s Finest, Britney Jean Spears and unlike other artists I only rate her on 3 factors:
Hair: 11 out of 10. Somebody splashed out for the good conditioned weave with invisible tracks. It makes no sense to most people but I was so proud of her hair in this video. May the hair team that made this happen only know good fortune and green lights in their favor at major intersections.
Lights are on, someone is home: 8 out of 10. I got the feeling she actually glanced at a treatment and gave a sliver of a fuck about making this video. Dead eyes Britney is the worst kind of Britney it makes you feel like you are watching a ASPCA ad but they are making the “I didn’t mean to be bad” cat pretend to be a pole dancer.
Dance: Naw I’m just playing. Britney quit doing more than the occasional Hucklebuck ages ago. Perfume as a track does make me do a loud sing along despite thinking “Have you been thinking ‘bout her or about me” would flow better as “You’ve been thinking ‘bout her and not me” but Sia wrote it so I’ll be quiet now.
Does the video make any fucking sense: 7 out of 10. The song is called “Perfume”, Brit Brit makes 100 different versions of eau de exotic dancer so naturally we get a montage of a bedazzled bottle of perfume across the screen, there are bills to be paid. The you want her, I want you story was sensible enough and the motel/roadhouse vibe provided some nice deserty shots. Couldn’t figure out if the female lead was homegirl from NIkita with too much makeup on or Lake Bell but otherwise it was decent. The male lead did a sufficient job of having above average hair and ripped jeans.
Overall Score: 8.6 on the post-Federline, Britney Spears scale
All in all a good show from one of the few serviceable tracks on the album (I don’t want to talk about it, the wounds are too fresh).