“Nas was ordered to pay baby mama Kelis $200,000 in back child and spousal support…Nas has been sending Kelis a flurry of emails, telling her how much he wants her back and where she can fly to hook up with him. Nas — she has a new boyfriend and has moved on.”—From the “Cheaper to keep her” Files.
So I just got done doing a phone consult with a woman who bills herself as someone who can help you overcome stage fright. We had a pretty detailed 20 minute conversation and I was feeling slightly less terrified about working with her. We set up a in person appointment for Friday and she ended the conversation with…
Don’t worry, I’ll have you singing in front of crowds at the Garden in no time.
“In a nutshell, I want everyone to love themselves sick. Not tolerate, not accept, I want everyone to be hopelessly in love with themselves and strut through life. We’re all fierce as shit. - Frances”—This may be my favorite thing I’ve read today.
Do I seriously even have to formally let anyone know that I will be at this? Sourcing Mohair sweater, stonewashed pleat front Z.Cavarrici’s and how to create the perfect hang ten wave bang/side pony combo as you read this.
“ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY moves into TLC on Tuesday nights beginning December 29 at 9 PM (ET/PT.) This six-part series profiles the Coles, a close-knit family of four dealing with life as a morbidly obese household.”—
Mystery Solved. The show was intended to be six parts and I have six episodes on my DVR. They certainly made sure to have the most open ended “See you next week” finale episode ever.
Bless to whoever got US Weekly to pick this up as an actual story. No words on JWOWW, but Snooki confirmed she wasn’t Italian ages ago vaguely in a OK! Interview in December as well as on the show itself.
I attempted to find the exact clip but attempting to watch the show again was overwhelming and the moment passed. She was adopted by an Italian family so considers herself Italian bred.I found the whole idea of a self identified “Guidette” hilarious at the time because it’s like that week I was Goth. Just that instead of Hot Topic her supplies are sourced at Wet Seal.
Tameeka and I passed this place on Thursday Night and have made plans to make plans to go back. There were people scream singing in the front as we walked by and a full chalkboard of drink specials. I will start dusting off my stirring rendition of “Immigrant Song” with a “Purple Rain” encore now.
Apologies for outing your middle name, but I recall from being a kid that people were called by their entire name when they got themselves in trouble. From the looks of shit and think I can freely say you’ve gone and done it now. You’ve said Nigger (thunderclap) in a sentence and it wasn’t in reference to Nigger (thunderclap) Run Fork, Virginia.
Now just to give you bit of Clarity (not being punny, but you name your songs after single words and moments like this will arise) I myself am Black and Female. I was alerted to your comments by an intricate network of black elders who are typically in charge of the monthly (Fine, bi-monthly sometimes we are behind schedule) “Secret Black People Meetings”.
Naw, just playing…excerpts from the interview were in my reader when I woke up via Mediaite. I read it then I read it again and I realized one thing…you need to only do interviews that are videotaped. Transcribed conversations just seem to fall apart for you. The idea that you held a conversation with the person interviewing you is lost. The word Nigger(thunderclap) needs to be accompanied by a visual/audio representation of the person saying it for the feeling/sentiment with which it’s being said to be understood.
I read the entire interview and you were headed down a patch of bad road using the “hood pass” analogy at all. If that was the case based on my life I should go around talking about my “Caucasian Clearance”. My Best Friend is a fine Aryan Queen and I’ve been accused of being “Well Spoken” on multiple occasions. With that said, on to the next.
"David Duke cock", John? For reals? You know the dude interviewing you was doing his job and you two aren’t friends right? That’s some 2am we just polished off two to three bottles of red shit and We go way back and have secrets shit right there. You may not have noticed, but he probably had an erection the rest of the interview because he knew you were about to get fucked.
Now the big question you must have at this point is “She said she was black wonder if she’s mad my dick is racist?”. The answer to that is Nope. Not at all.
To tell the truth based on it’s track record if you have a “David Duke Cock” I must be the owner of a “Grand Magi Vagina”. The difference is I don’t advertise that fact (I know I just disclosed it in this letter, but it was integral to the story, keep up). In the grand scheme of things the drama will blow over since Internet Minds soon forget. Woe betide to the next black female you walk down the street with because the press will be all up in her business. As for music sales it won’t really do a damn thing because I’m sure a healthy chunk of your audience is comprised of girls who are white and want to bang you. You just gave them the drive to push on.
Now as for the apology I understood why you had to issue one (your publicist probably had a shiver run up his or her spine imagining Reverend Al asking where his Oil Sheen was because he was going to be on camera tomorrow) but it’s the only part of all this that kind of pissed me off. You said you didn’t mean it with malice and that should have been enough. True the word has power and stirs up a reaction, but people can attempt to be sensible. You didn’t take to the stage drunk and do a parody cover “Your Nigger (thunderclap) is a Wonderland”. You told a story. You had a context. I almost feel like if it was spelled -ga instead of -er I wouldn’t have had to write this long ass letter.
In closing if you are planning on getting any more tattoo’s you’ll consider one that reads “Not everyone is your damn friend, behave”. I’m not even a portion of a fraction as famous as you and I know that by heart.
P.S. I knew Jessica had to be a retardedly (thunderclap) good lay. I figured ya’ll weren’t lazing around discussing Goethe and shit. Not calling her dumb she just looks like banging is one of her superpowers. Something in the Nobody’s Homeness of her eyes.
P.P.S. The “If you charged me 10k to Fuck you, I’d sell all my shit” part was sweet. It might just be me that thinks that though, I’m not big on flowers.
So I’m in the process of shutting down email addresses I no longer use in an effort to cut down on the amount of email addresses I have to check periodically. I found a cluster of old blog posts from my old, old, old blog Stick Then Move. I kind of recall this night, but mostly the discovery of Margs at Chipotle:
As I sat in an corner booth last night at Eugene I realized that I am definitely getting old. My first visceral reaction when I entered the club was “Why is the music so loud? You can’t talk to anyone when it’s this loud”. Then as I was trying to get a drink from the Open bar I was wondering “Why is everyone pushing? It’s just Remy Red for free”. The party was the Vibe Magazine/Def Jam New Artists showcase.
Anyone who knows me knows that me going to this party is beyond beyond. Guys trying to drop names like bombs in the hopes of possibly impressing you and girls dressed like it was a casting call for a Nelly video. It was entirely to hot out to be uncomfortable so I kept it comfy in cotton and rocked flip flops (my dress up flip flops mind you) and it was damn near delicious getting in anyway after the gang of girls who gave me the up and down like “Your never going to get in” got pulled to the side because they weren’t on any of the lists and the girl running the door is someone I’ve done costumes with and she gave me the only prodigal child returns welcome just to throw salt in their game. Never assume.
As for the actual showcase the two artists I did see (Damn CP time an 8-11 showcase started at 10:30) were lukewarm at best but then again I’m old. Ne-yo and Teairra Mari were young and impeccably groomed but that’s about it. Didn’t have the heart to hang for Young Jeezy.
On the plus side we stopped for Chipotle (god bless the good west coast food chains making headway way out here…Jamba Juice! Holla!) on the way home and in case you didn’t know they make a Margarita that is awesome for 4 bucks.Strong as it wants to be and full of Citrusy goodness. They just need to make covers the right size so I can take it to go. I daresay 3 of these would have you good and soused. But it may just be me. The guy behind the counter was cuteness.
Moral of the story go to Chipotle and get a Veg. Burrito Bowl and some margaritas and talk your ass off it isn’t loud and you can wear whatever you want.